14 April, 2014

Bathroom Conundrums

Tampons, pads, leaks and all.

Are none of which I will be writing about today. 

During my first month of Uni, going to the bathroom was a task, a hinderance, an inconvienence. You see, I had committed to writing all my notes down onto my laptop, which caused problems because:

1. I didn't have a proper backpack to carry my computer in.

2. I almost died carrying it in a shoulder bag.

So the only option I was left with was carrying it under my arms.  This seemed to work quite well, until I was confronted with rainy days and going to the toilet. 

Imagine you were in my position...  it all starts off with the urge to pee. You walk into the cubicle and realise you have to put both your computer and bag down somewhere. 

I'm not sure what it is about bathroom floors, but there is something extra disgusting about them. So, as the slightly pedantic person I am, I would create an elaborate tissue based lining on the ground then place my laptop carefully onto it. 

Now you could imagine if you are busting to go to the toilet, this becomes very tedious and time consuming.

After I was done with my business (I will spare you the details), I would have to pick up my laptop and proceed to the sink. 

Now this is where the trouble begins. 

I'm not sure what it is that girls do when they wash their hands, but for some reason the sink counter is always wet. Not just a splash or two, but it's soaking. 

Please, anyone, tell me what you do! Do you try to bathe yourself at the sink? 

Regardless of how the sink counter top manages to be this wet, you have no choice but to deal with it. So the only way you can wash your hands is to place the laptop between your legs. 

Squeezing a thin $1000+ machine between your knees, is quite a frightening task. But, you just have to risk it. What else is there to do? And please do not say - just don't wash your hands. Gross.  

So I hesitantly wash my hands, with my computer dangling between my legs.

After are you finished at the sink, this is the situation you are in: you have wet hands and a computer holding on for dear life. There are two options that follow in this procedure, choose one option to determine your future: 

1. You continue to hold your computer in between your legs. 

If you choose this option you have no choice but to waddle slowly towards the paper towel dispenser. Now just imagine me (because I did try this method on a number of occasions) waddling awkwardly with a computer in between my legs. Once you get to the dispenser however, you have free arms and can successfully pull the paper and dry your hands. After this is done, you can swiftly grab your laptop and rush out of the toilet.

2. You grab your computer with your wet hand and hold it under your arm.

In this option, your legs are free, so you are able to comfortably walk over to the dispenser. However, once you arrive you have to awkwardly get extremely close to the dispenser and grab the paper towel with one hand and attempt to tug it. Hence, this option allows you to create a greater spectacle of yourself. After drying your hands, you will then have to dry your laptop from when you grabbed it previously.

Then the tiresome, unnecessary procedure of doing a short pee is over.

You will be glad to know that I have now decided to write down all my notes onto paper, that I file neatly into a folder, which fits into an old backpack we had at home. So it is much easier to go and pee in peace and without stress.

What are some of your bathroom conundrums or solutions?

And please spare me details of your bowel movements.


Your Girl Claire 

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