Well maybe not to fail, but ultimately we cannot reach the top. Someone is hiding it from us, hiding it so that we are never satisfied and go on and on and on, from one thing to the next. The peak, the pinnacle... perhaps it doesn't exist. Because, it doesn't seem like we will ever be 100%, completely, satisfied.
When we learn to walk as toddlers our fat, chubby, confused limbs can't hold us up.
Then when we stand, we are pushed down by our older siblings.
When we learn how to dot our 'i's and cross our 't's we practice over and over again.
Then we bring our work home to our parents and they send us straight to tutoring. Aged 5.
When we beg our parents to let us try team sports, we feel included, we feel cool.
Then when we join up, we realise how uncoordinated we are.
When we put so much effort into our year 6 assignments we feel great, satisfied.
Then when we buy new shelves for our highschool textbooks, we chuck out our dust collecting primary posters.
When we study and study and study for the HSC, there are a lot of things we sacrifice.
Then when our ATAR results come out we look at that disgusting number...
At least this is the life for an elite Asian child.
I'm only kidding of course. That is a GROSS generalised statement about asian children. But I have been a toddler, was sent to tutoring at a young age, do have terrible hand-eye coordination, spent way too much effort on assignments in primary school, BUT I didn't care less when I saw that number on my paper. And no, I did not get 99.95.
But just imagine, those students (not limited to Asians), those genius' that you probably wanted to punch in the face because they were so smart. But those naturally talented individuals worked hard. No matter how hard they try to pull off the "I didn't even study" card, we all knew they were lying. But imagine you were one of them, all your efforts go into getting the best, being the best, being number 1. But when the HSC rolls around, they realise the highest they can ever get is... 99.95.
I bet that just kills them that tiny little bit. That 0.5 that they can't ever receive. They can not ever obtain. They will forever and always be 0.5 off perfection.
I hope you can tell that I am being very dramatic, and obviously I know it is an amazing achievement to get the highest possible mark you can get at the end of your schooling career. But I just want to highlight the fact that this is just the beginning.
My first year of uni is finally coming to an end. It wasn't all bad, it was just different. It was tough getting back into studying but it becomes easier and easier to accept a pass instead of the top mark.
No matter what it is about my life whether it be uni marks, friendships, body image etc I have been struggling to keep a positive and healthy mind set about being content. Lately I've been focusing on "perfection" (what ever that means) and it's really damaging. Aiming for perfection especially when it comes to mental health about body image is so dangerous, because you'll always want more, you'll always want better.
I'm not being a defeatist... It's the truth.
I'm never going to have Nicki Minaj's but. And that stings in this "big but" fad that is going on. I'm never going to have Kate Upton's boobs But that's ok.
I have to learn to accept my genetics. I need to focus on developing my mental strength. To strive to be healthier, more intelligent, more loving, less stressful and not to obsess about "my humps" (Black Eyes Peas reference).
So what, I don't have the "perfect" body?
So what, I didn't get HD's at uni?
So what, I still haven't found another job?
So what, I didn't get 99.95?
Life is still god dam great.