14 February, 2014

Survival of the Singles

You've been pacing 

                                      all morning

A stream of sweat slithers down your face. You haven't slept for days. You're drained, out of your mind. But it is just the beginning. The phone rings. You groan. Another customer. Another idiot who thinks you'll be able to pull something out of your ass the day of. Why don't they think ahead? The store is an absolute mess. You're a mess. You have a sip of what is now your 3rd coffee. You look at the time. 7:05am. Shit! The delivery man is late. You attempt to clean the store before opening the doors. You fiddle around with your hair, but it's hopeless. You force an exhausted smile. You…

are a florist on Valentines Day.

* sighs *

Valentines Day… the "day of love."

I am going to go right ahead and assume that the majority of my audience today will be all those beautiful single folks out there. Or perhaps you are merely on the computer at this time because your hot date has not yet arrived.

No matter who you are, no matter what relationship status you are in, it is the day that people seem obligated to draw attention to themselves. 

The day that you are either bombarding photos of you and your other half on social media. Of all those cute gifts and "I love you's" that make others want to curl up into a ball and cry.

But it is also the day for you singles to complain and crack jokes about your lonely existence. The only day you seem fearless in making your status public, pronouncing to the world that you are in fact "forever alone." 

However, I can not help to question whether we are averting from these stereotypes. A natural selective process so to say. That in order to survive this romantic charade, us singles have to adapt or else we end up bitter and puffy eyed.

Trying to remain unaffected and in control of our emotions, with all the love running psychotically through the streets.

If you fail to adapt and evolve, you may find yourself in an empty, bottomless pit of self sabotage and despair that may be far beyond repair.

In saying that, here is a simple guide in order to "survive" Valentines Day.

  1. In order to survive you must develop a slitted eye shape = ignore looking at social media. 
  2. In order to survive you must not use this day to bellow mating calls = do not get desperately drunk and "accidentally" call your ex.
  3. In order to survive you must partake in a one day hybernation with other fellow mateless creatures = make sure you have what they are now calling 'Galentines' (other single friends who join together to endure the harsh winter.) 

This Valentines Day, why don't you choose not to wallow in your loneliness. Adapt.

Profound huh?

Your value and beauty (yes, you can still be beautiful as a male reader) is not defined by your relationship status.

So, as the florists' sweat away, and the registers go cha-ching cha-ching, choose to evolve.

Today i'll be happily turning my eyes away from social media to avoid all the boasting couples and crying singles. I will instead be having a typical quiet night in with my best friend and little sister.

There is no need to shed tears and waste time trolling through your Facebook feed.

But hey! Who am I to say what you should and should not do on this very overrated day? If you want to wallow, and  cry over old memories go ahead.

I just don't understand why anyone would want to refer to themselves as a hideous stick figure with a massive deformed rock head.

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